Elder fraud: how to protect your family

Elder fraud almost never attacks intelligence: it attacks urgency, fear and affection. The fake grandchild in trouble, the fake bank calling in alarm or the fake celebrity recommending an investment work because they ask you to pay before you check. The best protection isn't to watch over your parents, but to talk about it as a family without shaming anyone and agree on two or three simple rules, like a code word and the rule of hanging up and calling the usual number.

The problem is huge. In 2023, the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center received 101,068 complaints from people over 60, with losses of $3.4 billion, an increase of almost 11% over the year before. About 5,920 people lost more than $100,000 each.

Which scams target seniors the most?

• Fake tech support and the fake bank. It was the number one scam reported by people over 60 to the FBI in 2023. A pop-up or a call warns of a hacked computer or a suspicious charge; then a “bank” and even a “government agency” call in turn. In the “Phantom Hacker” scam the FBI described in 2023, the victim ends up moving entire savings or retirement accounts to a “safe” account that belongs to the scammers. They ask for passwords, codes or for an app to be installed. A real bank won't ask you for any of that over the phone. We explain it in phone and text scams.
• The grandchild in trouble. A call from a “grandchild” who has caused a car accident and is in jail, followed by a fake “lawyer” asking for bail or legal fees, in cash, by wire or handed to a courier who comes to the door. The FBI warns that they also demand secrecy. With AI, FINRA adds, some scammers now clone the grandchild's voice.
• The celebrity investment. An ad with the face of a well-known TV presenter who promises gains with a platform. No real celebrity sells investments that way. We cover it in fake celebrity ads.
• The online relationship. Someone kind who appears on social media, can never meet in person and one day has a money problem. It's the romance scam, and it also hits widows, widowers and people who live alone.
• The pending package or the fake refund. A text from a delivery company, a utility or the phone company with a link to pay a fee or get a refund, which in fact steals your card details.

How to talk about it as a family without shaming anyone

Shame is the scammer's best ally: it keeps the victim from telling anyone until it's too late. That's why the way you talk about it matters as much as what you say.

1. Talk about scams, not about their mistakes. “I read that people are calling and pretending to be the bank” works better than “you're too trusting.”
2. Share what has reached you. Show them a fake text you got. That makes it clear it happens to everyone.
3. Ask for their opinion. Ask what they'd do if “the bank” called. Listening to their answer tells you more than any lecture.
4. Don't take away their independence. It's not about taking their card or checking their phone; it's about making sure they have someone to call before they pay.
5. Repeat it, patiently. One conversation isn't enough. Talk about new scams when they're in the news, the way you'd talk about the weather.

Simple rules for the whole family

The rules that work best apply to everyone, including children and grandchildren. That way nobody feels singled out.

1. A family code word. If someone asks for money in a relative's name, ask for the word. Whoever doesn't know it isn't who they say they are.
2. Hang up and call back. With any urgent call or message from the bank, a grandchild or the police, hang up and call the usual number, the one saved in your contacts or printed on your card. The FBI's advice for the grandparent scam is exactly that: verify the story by calling your family member directly and, if you can't reach them, call someone else in the family, even if they told you to keep it secret. In the UK, calling 159 connects you safely with your bank.
3. No urgent payment without a second voice. Any transfer, wire or payment for something unexpected waits until you've talked to someone else in the family. If it's true, it can wait ten minutes.
4. Codes are never shared. The code that arrives by text is like your house key: you don't give it to anyone who calls, even if they say they're from the bank.
5. No installing programs over the phone. No bank or real technician asks you to install an app during a call.
6. Transaction alerts. Turn on alerts for every charge in the bank's app, and check the account often.

Write these rules on a piece of paper next to the phone, along with the trusted numbers: the bank's, the children's and, in the US, the National Elder Fraud Hotline, 1-833-FRAUD-11 (833-372-8311), a free Justice Department service open Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Eastern, in English, Spanish and other languages. In the UK, Age UK's free advice line is 0800 678 1602, open 8 a.m. to 7 p.m., every day of the year.

Warning signs that an elderly relative may be being scammed

• They get more calls than usual, or get nervous when the phone rings.
• They talk about a “really good” investment they can't explain, or about a new online friend they've never met in person.
• They make unusual withdrawals or transfers, or ask to borrow money.
• They've been told not to tell anyone, not even the bank.

What to do if it has already happened

First, stay calm and assign no blame. Then make the calls together: to the bank, to try to stop the payment; in the US, to the National Elder Fraud Hotline, where a case manager helps you report it at the federal, state and local levels, and to the FBI's IC3 or the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov; in the UK, to Report Fraud. The full steps are in what to do if you get scammed. And be careful with anyone who calls afterward offering to recover the money for a fee: that's a recovery scam, another fraud.

The same trick, a century ago

Allen Stanford wasn't looking for speculators, but for savers: families, many of them Venezuelan, who wanted a safe haven for a lifetime's savings. He offered them certificates of deposit paying about twice the interest of a US bank. Law of Deception No. 7 sums it up: “The saver's fear is the con man's capital.”

And the weapon of secrecy goes back even further. In 1925, Victor Lustig convinced the scrap dealers of Paris that the sale of the Eiffel Tower was confidential. That's why nobody called to check. When a scammer today says “don't tell your children,” he's using the same trick. The simplest family rule disarms it: in this family, money secrets get shared.

To go over all the warning signs calmly, together, use the MATERIUM scam checker: it runs in your browser and doesn't store anything.